Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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