I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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