it wasn't lemon gatorade
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
