I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
