Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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