Soap is not a condiment
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
