I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
