It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
