and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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