Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
