when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
