did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
