I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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