SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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