Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i out mim tonsoeep
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