im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
