I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
