Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
