We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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