If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
