also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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