my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
