I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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