So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
