i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
