Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
