something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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