she looked like the before picture.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
