We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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