all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
