I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
