Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
