I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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