Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
