Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize