nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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