actually, I'm a sock model
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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