at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
