that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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