She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
