i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
