for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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