I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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