so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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