I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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