I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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