I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
