If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
