So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
