who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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