Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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