That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize