she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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