I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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