my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
