lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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