I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
