I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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