If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
