talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize