So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think i got beer on your cat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
