Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
