just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
