Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
