I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
