I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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