Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
