He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my liver is dry heaving
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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